Last night, I
was blessed beyond measure by a very honest conversation with a friend who is
undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer.
She has lost an amazing, gorgeous head of long, thick, curly hair, and
she began to cry as she told me how hard it has been to lose that part of her. I told her, “Your hair, that doesn’t define
you. You are so much more than a
beautiful head of hair.” She is a
gentle, kind, loving, generous, precious soul who has an inner light that
touches you deeply. We sat and talked,
hugged, held hands, laughed and cried together for two hours which was not
nearly long enough, and I cannot wait until the next time we are together. As I was driving home, my heart was on fire and I
posed the question to myself, “What defines me?”
As far back as I
can remember I know that I have allowed societal expectations and norms to
define my self-perceived value and worth.
Some now seem trivial, while others still echo in the back of my mind.
I’ve actively participated in the “keeping up with the Joneses” façade at
various phases in my life from having the “in” brand of shoes, handbag, and
clothing, to larger material possessions such as the car I drive and the homes
I’ve purchased. On the surface, there
have been times when I have had it all and been labeled a success. Yet, I still struggle with believing that I
am worthy and deserving of genuine love and happiness. There is that little voice that tells me,
“I’m no one and I’m nothing.” But I am
someone and I am much more than nothing.
I am a wife, a
mother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, a granddaughter, and a friend. I would consider myself to be a giver, a
doer, and a peacemaker. I’m strong-willed,
yet tender and weak. I’m dedicated,
honest, trustworthy, and compassionate.
I’ve been broken and in desperation, and cried until there were no tears
left to cry; and I’ve been so full of joy and happiness that I’ve laughed until
I’ve lost my breath. Today, I am content
yet unsettled at times and I know this path I’m on will be a defining moment in
the ever-changing canvas of me.
Defining moments are those in which we truly begin to
author the book of our life. They give
us insight, perception, and knowledge, and they cause us to redefine our life. I’ve had a few defining moments; however,
I’ve experienced missed moments because I’ve conformed to the expectations of
others and allowed fear to get in my way.
Now is my time…time to cast my fears aside, time to stop trying to prove
my worth by what I achieve, through my possessions, or by the mold others want
to place me within.
I am uniquely, wonderfully, and perfectly made, and
there is no one else who can be me. I’m
embracing the moments of today! I hope
you do the same and that you let others see your sparkle.
